Thursday, April 10, 2008

...And You Missed This Because??? #6 - Walker

This is exciting for me... I get to write about an Alex Cox film and a recent Criterion release. Fucking Rad!!!

Entry #6:"Walker" (1987, dir. Alex Cox)



"The ends justify the means."
"What are the ends?"
"I don't remember."


What's The Story? If you want to make a film commenting on the Reagan administrations "dabblings" in Central America, but don't want to mimic the Oliver Stone masterpiece "Salvador", what do you do? You make a historical film about 19th century Soldier of Fortune William Walker. However, if you are as unconventional a filmmaker as Alex Cox you make an insane anachronistic odyssey that makes "Apocalypse Now" look like a lucid run of the mill war film.

I'm going to loosely and concisely (for me) lay out the plot as this film is so bizarre you really should just let it unravel before your eyes. William Walker had to flee Sonora, Mexico and renounce his crown as President (self-appointed) of the Republic of Lower California after he declared Sonora part of this "Republic" even though he forgot to do one thing... conquer it. I'm not making this up, this is historical fact, can you guess already how bizarre this film will get? If a helicopter showed up in 1860 I wouldn't be all that surprised.

After he flees he is put on trial in California for this little known crime... Conducting an illegal war. I guess our puritanical government looks down on that sort of thing. After Walker (or the Grey Eyed Man of Destiny) gives a rousing expansionism / manifest destiny speech to the ever so progressive jury he is acquitted in what looks like 5 seconds of screen time (adjustment based on historical tendency's - 3.5 seconds). After promising his deaf fiance that he won't leave anymore, Cornelius Vanderbilt tries to hire Walker to create stability (AKA violent take over complete with installation of a puppet President) in Nicaragua so he can control the overland transportation to the Pacific. When Walker isn't very interested in being a corporate soldier Vanderbilt appeals to William Walker the American. Vanderbilt paraphrased, "This isn't about taking over a country so that I can build a canal, THIS IS ABOUT DEMOCRACY! WE MUST GIVE THOSE BROWN PEOPLE A LITTLE OF THE GOOD OL' AMERICAN DEMOCRACY!". Walker now interested, remembers his deaf wife back home... and still declines.

Then his wife dies! Walker hops on a boat with 58 men. But wait you ask! How can 58 men take over an entire country? Don't worry Walker knows he will be successful because he has a plan! Stop the suspense asshole! Tell us, what is this plan? Quite simply, "Advance". That's it. Advance.

It works. He wins and installs a puppet President until he decides that being President would be a hoot and a holler. He arranges "elections" much, much dirtier than US circa 2000, frankly, much, much dirtier than elections in Iraq were (are) and becomes President.

It is at this point that the film starts to go crazy (in a good way)! There is a dash of cannibalism and Walker decides to create slavery so he could get the support of the US South. Again, that isn't where the film gets totally bizarre and surreal. Remember how I said that Cox wanted to make a film about the current (at the time) conflict in Central America? Well, he isn't content with a simple historical parable. As soon as Walker becomes President the film becomes total madness furthered by using many historical anachronisms (Newsweek magazine, a Benz-o, helicopters, etc.) that further effectively bleed this tale from the past into the present.

I know that was supposed to be brief, but I really enjoyed writing it.

Box Office: $257,043* I hear the cast and crew was really stoked and excited to be making this film so I'm sure the box office is a result of them going to see it again and again and again. Too bad it didn't gross more because this film effectively killed Cox's budding career. Sad considering that the guy was obviously talented beyond recognition and no single flop should ever kill the career of someone that previously directed the underrated minor masterpieces "Sid and Nancy" and "Repo Man".

Are You Retarded For Missing It?: Anyone that was over the age of 18 when this film came out should seek out a helmet shop because frankly you are fucking retarded for missing this fantastic film. It as well vanished into obscurity after its release as it was unavailable for people in the home market. Alex Cox made a film that seamlessly merges several different genres to glorious effect. At points this is an absurdest comedy, at others it borrows heavily from silent films, sometimes it seems like a straight forward bio pic, it becomes a surrealistic odyssey, and it wears its Peckinpah Western influences on its sleeve (I didn't notice it but I read there is a sign that even says Sam Peckinpah in the film). As you can tell this is a unique and groundbreaking piece of art.

The crazy thing about this film is how poignant it feels to so many "conflicts" we as a nation have gotten ourselves into from Vietnam, to South America, to the Middle East. By creating a film as timeless as this one we are able to watch this 20 year old film for the first time and have it feel like it came out only yesterday (save for the fact that both Xander Berkley and Ed Harris have hair).

The directing is sure handed. The action is very Peckinpahesque (a good thing albeit a little to obviously inspired by the late Western master) and at the same time is somewhat 80's (you know a very blocked off camera that isn't very kinetic or inventive). However, Cox expertly transforms these would be dull 80's action scenes (especially the climax) into surreal chaos that seem like they exist in a dimension not our own. The performance are great (especially Ed Harris). You just have to bear in mind that some of them skate in the realm of absurdity to further the theme of the film. It is rather interesting to watch all the characters transform into more and more absurd creations not of this world as the film rolls towards the finish line. I as well thought Joe Strummer (of the amazing in the 70's but licked ass in the 80's The Clash) score was interesting and superb in relation to the images and stories on screen.

Frankly, this film is destined to find a cult audience and be remembered by a sizable small group for years to come. Thank you Criterion for saving this movie from forgotten obscurity.

Why You Missed It? Did you read the plot I outlined up there? That's why. I can't believe that Universal gave director Alex Cox almost $6 million 1987 dollars to make this film. Don't get me wrong, I am glad that they did, but what the fuck were they thinking? This is the guy who made "Repo Man" and "Sid and Nancy". Both of those are a little off the wall and anything but mainstream. What did they expect? I mean they must have read Rudy Wurlitzer's amazing but bizarre script. I guess when they got the film, Universal had no idea what to do with it so they dumped it in art houses and then dumped Cox. Silly, silly bastards.

Then again, after watching it, I don't know how the fuck anyone could market this. It's a comedy that only certain types (like me) would find funny. It's an 80's action film without Yakamoto Towers, wacky sidekicks or Predators. It's a Western without cowboys. It's a bio pic about a relatively unknown person that ignores the conventional rules of a bio pic. It's a political satire that doesn't exist in reality. It frankly is a wonderful film that was made for an audience of 12.


I apologize for using a Maxim pic, but short of going NSFW that was the best I could get.

Rating: An alcohol fueled one night tryst deep inside Diora Barid's ass. You know it happened because the next day she is right there next to you (and there is a gentle pungent aroma germinating from your cock), but can't quite piece together what happened. Therefore, you must do it again, and again, and again so that you can absorb every last element of its wonder. Then once you have fully explored her, you still wanna keep going back for more.

*According to IMDB.COM (boxofficemojo didn't even have a listing for it).

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