Run Kinda Fatboy Run

"Run Fatboy Run", the directorial debut of the never even kinda serviceable actor, David Schwimmer, is only as enjoyable as you find the cast. This is a lazy film that never really tries to rise above cliches. Not ever. Not once. Basically, this film is a subpar version of "Shaun of the Dead" except that instead of having to fight zombies to prove to his girlfriend that he isn't a worthless slacker he has to run a marathon. Note, other things he could have done to prove that he changed and is worthy of his girl's love besides running a marathon include, getting a certificate in culinary arts after conquering the souffle, achieving yellow belt status in Tae-Kwon-Do, taking a cotillian class so he could learn all the steps to properly dance a waltz, or starting to use penis desensitizing cream to rectify his brief showings in the bedroom.

Basically, the film goes like this. Simon Pegg runs out on the "perfect" woman (if by perfect you mean beautiful and devoid of personality or charm) on their wedding day when she is pregnant with his son. For the next 5 years he tries to get her back, but then the big bad wolf, as played with ease and charm by Hank Azaria, comes along and sweeps her off her feet. Azaria is rich, good looking, thoughtful, and holy shit he runs marathons for charity. Pegg decides that if he finishes a marathon he would prove to Newton that he is a changed man that now finishes things. If you just hit your head after reading that plot, join the club, it is that moronic and underrealized. Oh, he also has a best friend (who is also Newton's cousin) played by the never better Dylan Moran.

Here's a checklist of some of the easy jokes this film relies on:
1. Erectile dysfunction.
2. The biggest blister EVER! Ha! Take that Farrelly Brothers!
3. Farting. Yes, take that again Brothers Farrelly.
4. Pratfalls.
5. Foreigners doing wacky things. Where do they come up with this stuff?
6. Oh and don't forget that kids can give you the finger too!
7. There's more, but I ran out of paper in my notepad while watching the film.

Oh and don't forget the cliche checklist: (Some spoilers, but believe me it's nothing you couldn't already guess)
1. Flashbacks of their love played to big swelling blubbering vagina music. Mind you these flashbacks are really only there because it really doesn't seem like Pegg and Newton could have ever loved each other. Note: the flashbacks don't help this fact at all. Not even the music does.
2. Inspirational speeches coupled with big swelling blubbering vagina music. Note: if you can't sell a scene without resorting to big swelling blubbering vagina music the scene doesn't fucking work and should be cut!!!!
3. Pegg looks through a photo album of his days with Newton while drunk while big swelling blubbering vagina music is on in the background (to be fair this wasn't scored music, it was the typical rom com easy listening crap).
4. The training montage! Yes, there was a fucking training montage!
5. Pegg gets national attention due to his never quit mentality to the marathon.
6. Azaria, Pegg's rival, turns out to be kind of a douchebag.
7. The ending when Pegg hits the ground and can't go on, but then Newton and his son run out from nowhere giving him that last bit of strength he needs to go the extra 25 feet.

I just pretty much hated the script by Pegg and Michael Ian Black, member of the crap comedy troupe Stella. I'm not familiar with Black's writing, but I expected much more from Pegg. I truly adore "Spaced", "Shaun" and "Hot Fuzz" and was really looking forward to seeing him write more stuff. However, if this is what happens when he isn't working with Edgar Wright, please just stay in front of the camera.

Basically, other than the script, the biggest problem I had was that I couldn't see why anyone would want Newton (which is a pretty big problem when you are making a love triangle rom com). She was just fucking pretty. That's it. Then again, I can't see why she, a super successful bakery owner, would want Pegg, the worthless slacker who left her at the alter while she was fucking pregnant. But, hey that's ok, all you need to prove that you changed is to run a fucking marathon! I mean I actually thought she should be with Azaria as they seemed better suited for one another. They were equally dull, pretty, and successful.

Oh and Schwimmer's directing didn't really add anything to the mix. He didn't prove he can direct anything nor did he prove that he can't direct. So I guess for the annoying star of the equally annoying "Friends" it may in fact be a success. Congrats Schwimmer, you don't totally blow.

All this being said, when I wasn't groaning I actually really enjoyed the flick. It's something I will take my Mom to next time I need to borrow money and probably watch when it stops by HBO (I may buy it too... it depends on how I feel that day). Why you may ask? Call me a little less cynical or maybe I'm getting soft in my old age, but the cast (Pegg, Moran, and Azaria... not Newton) were amazingly charming. I frankly can't help but root for Pegg. In fact, I thoroughly enjoy rooting for him. The film may have been cheap, but so fucking what? It made me smile. He may in fact be one of the only actors charming enough to make a mediocre to bad film fun to watch. Basically, I love Pegg and Moran. I want to see them together many many times in the future. If you are looking for a film to take Mom to or your girlfriend is denying you salad tossing until you take her to this, take 'em, you could do a lot worse.

P.S. - Pegg isn't fat, he merely has a beer gut. Hardly a fatboy. Fucking assholes calling me fat.